Why am I in love with this guy? I just want to take care of him, cuddle with him, and just plain adore him. He is the ying to my yang. We are so different in our thoughts, that just the thought of anyone like him, in the past, made me cringe. Yet, I feel helpless, when I am being pulled by his magnet's unseen force. I cannot break away. I have tried, to no avail. My helplessness is like a net, he holds around my heart and soul. He is aware of this. He plays with my feelings all the time. Once he asked me to do something, then, later realized he had asked me on April Fool's Day, on purpose, just to tease me. Cruel? Is he the player others perceive him to be? At times, I glimpse a meanness in him, then I feel guilty that perhaps my love for him makes me see what is not there. He likes me to pamper him, play up to his ego, praise him to the skies, while he puts me down. He is the only man, besides Eduardo del Valle, when I was a little girl, who has made me question my beauty. He laughs at my clumsy attempts of showing my love for him. I become a shy, awkward woman, so unsure of myself, that I act like a bumbling fool. Why do I torture myself like this. I cannot stop thinking of his solemn face, or his clothing, which is too large on him, or his eyes, which appear to be sincere, but I have caught him in so many lies.
Where is my genius IQ when I need it the most. Why does my brain become so humble, following my heart's orders, like a sheep. Is my brain also his slave? My heart already submits to him.
Does love make me insane? Why would I love someone who is mean, selfish, inconsiderate, detached, and likes to pretend there is no such person as one? Did I do something to deserve this? I want to get off this merry go round. I want to find my real soulmate. Someone who is sweet, loving, romantic, and real. I do not want this guy in my life, unless he realizes I am the best for him.
He introduced himself into my life without my permission. I would have not let him have any entry. He has become a sharp pebble, piercing my heart. But no, I was blinded by his faked niceness. I was fooled by his pretense of loving those who died. Unbeknownst to him, I was the perfect woman for his life. A woman who would always be there for him, who would help him reach out for the stars, and the cosmos, who would ask the winds to do his bidding, and lay out the phrases for his accomplishments, and love him like he has never been loved before. He is such a dummy. He keeps on, and on, about all these empty hearted women, who seem to have come out from the same mold. They are all loud, domineering, selfish, treat him like a dog, step on him like a doormat. He smells their butts, treats them like royalty, and complains when they dump him. It is not personal, he says. All his ex-girlfriends are now his friends. This is so pathetic. I see his weakness so clearly. His weakness is destroying my inner self.
Why do I love this guy?
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